CRAZY PEOPLE GETTING CRAZIER

CRAZY PEOPLE GETTING CRAZIER

So you have to learn the difference between yoga that makes you crazy and yoga that facilitates a calmer, more peaceful mind and existence. The recipe for wellness is much more simple. (that doesn't mean it won't take work and thought!) You just need to take in some air and get in the habit of pausing: BREATHE. You need to begin trusting your body and believing the signals it sends for movement, food, sleep, etc. You need to practice loving kindness to yourself and your body and become flexible to life's ebbs and flows: BEND. And the last part happens organically. You find yourself hovering in moments of peace and happiness, free of the worries, guilt, struggles that plagued you: BE. And see, all of that is possible without even a SINGLE sun salutation. 

LOOKING OUT FOR NUMBER ONE

“One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever know…” I have always loved that song. Probably most of my single friends would agree with that sentiment! But while One is the loneliest, it can also be the fullest and most complete. “One Love, One Heart, One Life…” Another song with a different take on things…we can be one, alone or one, together. That makes a big difference!

The common quest for relationships gets me thinking often about One-ness. Can we be a whole person, at One with ourselves, with God, the Universe if we don’t have a partner? I know plenty of married people who still feel alone. I look at my own marriage, at the types of relationships portrayed in movies and books (throughout time), at friendships, at our incessant longing for connectedness…is it because through these relationships we have a relativity of sorts? Like in Jerry Maguire—are we just looking for another person to “complete us?” 

That particular line has never set well with me. I have always thought we need to be two wholes coming together to create something new—like ingredients. I’m flour, you are eggs: together we make dough (or better yet, pizza dough). Yet…the more I play that phrase in my head the more it makes sense to me. I can’t help but extend beyond our pairings. I think of the tributaries of a river—all rivers, one source; the blood vessels in our body are really one continuous vessel that take on different properties depending on their location; the individual stars in the sky completing a solar system. And I remind myself that we are all pieces of yarn in the same woven rug, working together to create a beautiful pattern. The metaphors abound! Look around you—is anything really totally independent of anything else? Or better yet—take all of that away. Close your eyes and imagine it is only you and there is nothing else…if we forget what we think and know and feel and see what is left?

“Yoga tells us that what is left is in essence the only thing worth having: a connection to the source of our very aliveness.”  (Donna Farhi)

How do we connect to that “aliveness?” What are things that make us feel ALIVE!? Laughter! Movement! Breathing! Emotion! Hugging! SEX! Other living things! It’s all entirely human and at the same time entirely divine. It’s all about perspective, right? You can look through a huge telescope and see one star, or you can lie on your back in a field and see the sky. You can view yourself on a solo journey or imagine hovering above a world of little ants. We learn from both perspectives the same thing—I am small; this world is big. I am NOT ALONE. BINGO! Like a tiny gear in a machine—what I give contributes to what is produced. Thusly, what I hold back, takes away. It’s not as convenient as contributing when I feel like it, indulging in self-pity when I don’t—but it’s time we realize this as a universal truth.

When we view our world from a place of connectedness, we take on the responsibilities of our due worth. We know that we have a job to complete the rug of the Universe. Not only that, but seeing ourselves as a whole ingredient, a vital and important part of another whole, we understand that failing to give compassion, generosity, understanding, love, nurturing, or happiness to others is really depleting ourselves from these things. “when there is a sense of unity, who is there to steal from but ourselves?” (D.F.)

Whether you read the Bible or Bhavagad Gita—we are assured that our connection to the Universe (God) has always and will always exist, that it transcends even our death. Have you watched Long Island Medium!? Death cannot hold us back from telling our loved ones we miss them! When we look into ourselves, we will always find this connection and we will always reflect it. This linked feeling hums within us, giving us that ache for healthy relationships and vital whole experiences. We can take a second to stop feeling so separate, to know instead that we are not alone, that we cannot fail or fall when others succeed (because it is a shared success, there is enough for all of us). This helps us to be BRAVE. In this way we do complete each other, don’t we?  

“It takes courage to follow your heart and intuition and let them shape your life. Freedom from the shackles of attachment and fear empowers you to take full advantage of the limited and precious time you have to create the life that your heart truly longs for. …’only the fearless are truly alive’ “ (Rod Stryker)

SO…If the only thing worth having is a connection to our aliveness, and only the fearless are truly alive, then we can conclude we must have courage to accept and embrace all that makes us human, including that innate desire to connect. If we want to truly live a whole, meaningful life (Married or not!), we must acknowledge our interdependence on our connection to each other and become ONE.

Today especially, this extends beyond the bubble of our daily experience. In a world full of violence and tragedy it becomes easy to feel separate--to think of it as “Us vs. Them.” But remember the night sky, think of the woven rug…we are all the same. Their pain is our pain. When they break, we all suffer. It’s important to respect and appreciate that we are pieces of this puzzle—but so are “they.” Can you take a moment to connect to that today? Can you not only bear witness to the suffering parts of the world that seem so far away but actually, vulnerably, humbly, reach out? To be One, if only for two minutes?

Healing Meditation: Take a moment and set the intention to feel connected. Sit quietly and breathe. Feel your inner space. Just breathe and feel the inner space of your body. Gradually, move outward and feel the actual space of your body, then the space around your body, then the space of the room. Take your time, continuing to breathe and extend your awareness. Stay present and grounded. As you breathe calmly and reach out with your energy, conjure feelings of light and peace and healing. Feel your heart radiate pure love. Allow this love, like light or a rainbow to grow and build—larger and larger, extending over this city, state, country…feel the light and love in your heart reach all the way over to Syria. Feel it surrounding those in need, warming them, embracing them. Peacefully absorb and diminish their feelings of rage and fear as you eminate love. Do this for several minutes.

HOW DO I GET IT ALL DONE?

Monday, March 4, 2013 at 2:19PM

Just this morning I was asking myself if I should take a sabbatical. With so much unpacking, laundry, chasing around to do after a weeklong vacation I felt like there wasn’t enough time to do it all (before the kids get home from school!). I fantasized about having a whole open day to complete the never-ending task of organizing the storage room, I could paint the basement, walk the dog…

Then I practiced and meditated for a while.

I breathed.

I felt foolish for my thoughts this morning! Where are my priorities!? Living a more organized life versus…well, LIVING!? While the feeling of a completed project would be satisfying, would that really compare to how I feel when I study, practice, and teach yoga? Would a tidy closet give me energy to enjoy my world? Would it INSPIRE me? In a word, NO. (shoulder shrug)

Here’s the gift of yoga: a little reminder that it’s all about US. The errands, laundry, phone calls, bills, chores, lessons to kids, lessons to ourselves, guilt, questioning…it is always going to be there. And guess what? So are you! So am I. And so is the still, quiet, strong place within me. All I have to do is tune into it and VOILA things come into focus. So what are my options? Either to live in a hut on a beach (tempting), or to roll with the punches. Am I really able to ignore the quiet knowledge that I should teach and spread my love for yoga, that I have a greater purpose, for the gratification I get when I cook a meal for my family and all the beds are made?  (sigh)

These thoughts made me feel better but I still needed a plan. I knew what I was looking for was a way to quell the anxiety about my mounting responsibilities without abandoning the work (and the students) that keep me centered. So here it is, in a nutshell. I’m taking my own advice! I would tell you to make some small shifts so that you can accomplish what you must do as wife/mother/daughter/friend/teacher, but increase your devotion to yourself, your power, your connection to God/universe. Just like you need to eat food to fuel your body, you need meditation to fuel your spirit. My intention—starting tonight—is to release my attachment to lazy tv time (and I admit that I love spacing out on the couch!), go to bed earlier, so that I can wake up earlier…thus “creating more time.” This time, while the rest of my house sleeps, will be for me. Not to scratch things off my list, but to recharge the ole batteries.I do not kid myself that this is an easy fix…although I am a fairly early riser, 6am still seems like the middle of the night. But doesn’t is SOUND easy?! Maybe if I just decide it’s no big deal, then it won’t be. Why would I deny myself the soul nourishing things that make me happy? And beyond happy, why would I deny myself the very thing that gives me the energy I need to do everything else? (smack on head)

You are on this journey with me yogis. I’ll keep you posted on my progress. Now, I really do need to get dinner started! Xoxoxo G

COMMUNITY OF THE HEART: KULA

Monday, February 4, 2013 at 11:52AM

In keeping with the theme of love this month, I’d like to offer some thoughts on COMMUNITY.  Sanskrit offers many words for community. Satsang means to be “in company with the wise” and according to yogic texts, being in spiritual community with our teachers is a true cornerstone to attaining bliss and liberation. I’m sure we have all experienced the power of collective energy to ground, uplift, or calm. This is why we go to class, right? Not just because we are too lazy to do it on our own, but because our practice is exponentially more potent when we become open to the thread of universe (and all it offers) through our connection to others. Just today I got an email from my good friend, experienced yoga teacher Tina Tazian illustrating this exact point!

 "I had a really beautiful moment in Yoga class yesterday.  I had a group of various levels and we were doing balance poses (warrior III, tree into tiptoe, etc). I always love how when you do a series of balances in a row the concentration gets stronger.  At one point, I felt it very strongly so I talked about how when we focus this helps to focus the person next to us and so on.  This helps all of us balance together.  We are SUPPORTING each other.  Although each of us is at a different level and doing a different variation of the pose, we are individuals but we are influencing and connecting in a ‘web’ of support.  No one got off their mat to ‘help’ the person next to them but yet they did help them simply by being deeply connected in what they were doing. It’s an energetic thing.  We lift each other up simply by doing our own best work in a humble manner.  We lift each other up simply by being deeply connected to the flow of life, by living in the moment and being in the body and the breath."

How cool is that?! We stand stronger just by standing together. Let that sink in.

This is kula! Kula, another Sanskrit word, is defined as a community of the heart; a group coming together of its own free will; a family; clan; the experience of union between Shiva and Shakti, God and goddess, power and consciousness.

Can you take that on fort wayne yogis? Students and teachers alike--can you willingly and wholly participate and contribute to our kula? Are you ready to unite your heart and consciousness to others in this city, to make them stronger by standing with them as one family (whether or not you agree with, relate to, or even “like” them?).

I think we can and are—but lets make a collective and conscious effort this month!  Yoga in fort wayne has grown so much! We have quality instruction, myriad venues, and willing students all contributing to this expansion. It is now available not only in studios but in most gyms, schools, churches, and parks. I love it! By nature of this growth studios and teachers have had to let go of any urges for competitiveness. Humbly, we do this with the knowledge that we can’t possibly reach everyone who needs yoga. We do this with the knowledge that we can trust our peers to offer what we offer (even if in a different style). In a way, we’re *forced* to support each other—to recommend each other, consult each other, or to redirect our students to those teachers with special gifts and knowledge (or just more convenient hours).  

This is the kind of support that our world needs in general; respecting and honoring those around us—even our differences--in the common effort to maintain civility, awareness, and peace. And guess what? We all benefit from it.

This gift of satsang and kula (whether you practice yoga or not) will undoubtedly have positive effects on the city—on our entire community. The things that bring us together—especially when coupled with ideas of love, kindness, and awareness—help to keep our world small enough to experience the impact of our existence. That is, we sense the power of our presence in the lives of others, the power of our voices and opinions to create change and growth, and the power of support and guidance from our neighbors.  Through this we are reminded that we are not alone on this journey.

I embrace you all as part of my kula. I stand offering to help you stand and ask you, in the words of the late and great Mr. Rogers (one of my idols of childhood) "please won't you be my neighbor?" And this month I offer the collective intention for all of you yogis to contribute to and become aware of this community of the heart! In other words, spread the LOVE!!! Support the interest in yoga, support your practice, support fellow teachers. Oh, and get to a class! I hope I see you there. Xoxo Much love!! G

2013: NAKED AND FULL OF GRACE

Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 9:49AM

I plan to completely possess 2013. Gracefully. And naked.

Some definitions of Grace: elegance; politeness; generosity of spirit; gift of God; pleasing quality; freedom from sin…..A good framework for this year don’t you think?

Like a good wine, my yoga has blossomed and matured with age. Rather than leading me up a staircase of wisdom, exalted to bliss, better than those around me, yoga has stripped me bare. For me, the work has become about finding the courage to peel away all the layers of expectation, ego, vanity, and façade and stand naked and vulnerable, honestly but humbly acknowledging all that I am—including the power-- and OWNING IT (without taking credit for it). This is harder than you think.  And more rewarding, too I imagine.

I’ve noticed that even with all my yogic lessons, in 2012 I still didn’t master true grace. I admit it--I still don’t fully embrace all that I am. If I’m being really honest, I didn’t go many days without mascara! If I can’t even embrace my naked face, how can I embrace my naked soul? I still worry too much about the reactions of those around me—that my choices, words, appearance, lifestyle, opinions will offend, intimidate, or disappoint another person in my life. It is still a struggle not to criticize those who favor phoniness, gossiping, or manipulation. And that darn self-judgment and doubt still quietly, desperately hang on the very tip of the precarious cliff off the mountain of confidence I’ve built. That is…until this year. This year I have a mantra:

I bravely embrace all experiences and relationships and radiate fully the light of my truth, vulnerability, and strength.

In 2013, my approach is to take responsibility for everything. To own it all, with grace. I intend to make everything about me—not selfishly, but in a way that allows me to (gratefully and gracefully) take responsibility for the actions, words, emotions I put into my experience here on earth. In doing this, I free that part of myself that questions the intentions of those around me. I release my need to understand anyone else’s choices (opinions, lifestyle, etc) along with my need for their happiness. In turn, I release you from that need too--you don't need to understand me to love me.

I know it will take courage but I am resolved to stand before each of you, stripped clean and raw, and to generously let the light from my heart radiate through my eyes into your eyes and down into your heart. I am resolved to embrace the power I have and to then embrace all the good that stems from it.

This ain't no sham...I am what I am (thank you Mumford and Popeye for that bit of wisdom!) and my actions are the foundation on which I stand.

I will own this fact too--I hope to inspire you. What if we no longer rely on the myriad excuses that we are not alike but instead repeatedly remember (and then increase and use) those precious bits that link us together? Here's my promise--I'll show you mine if you show me yours. I acknowledge and honor the light in you! lets share and relish in our many, many blessings this year. beyond that, let's acknowlege our role in drawing those things into our lives. 

in 2013, my naked eyes (mascara-ed or not) will reveal my naked soul. gracefully.

“What will your destiny be? It depends on you, or more accurately, on the resolutions to which you are most committed. The vows and promises you hold dear, when you are deeply committed to them, speak directly to the universe, compelling it to act on your behalf. When such conviction is linked to dharma, the aspiration to become the best you can be, you will be led to a life of joyous fulfillment and accomplishment. Strengthened by your resolution, you will eventually learn to see how all things, all experiences—even those that are challenging or might first appear to be obstacles in the path of achieving your desire—are actually helping to guide you toward the fruits of your intention.”
Rod Stryker

MY CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU

Wednesday, December 5, 2012 at 9:01PM

All work and no play makes us all dull, right? And don’t we want to be shiny, happy people? During this crazy, hectic month I have the intention to remind my students (or family, or friends, or anyone impatiently standing in a long line) to hit the pause button and slllllow down. In yoga it’s called surrender and it requires awareness, gratitude, and acceptance.

But how is stillness even possible for a fraction of a moment? I know, I know, we have no TIME! We are late! There is so much to do! Here in the west, we are inundated with the need to hurry. When I lived in Kenya for a semester in college, my hurried-ness stuck out in their slower, more deliberate culture. I would walk down the street and the locals would say “haraka haraka (fast, fast) why are you always in such a hurry?” And what’s the answer in general? Because I’m not prepared to really accept what this day has to bring or what I’m actually capable of doing (without bringing about insanity). Because I don’t trust myself or God or the universe enough to show me what I need. Because my ego has set goals, standards, and expectations so high I have to doggedly try try try to get it all done (and then beat myself up when I fail). Talk about dull! If that’s your inner dialogue, it’s time to take a breath—and STOP.

The difference between me and those beautiful Kenyans? They were so grateful. They had so little and felt blessed for every moment in their lives. The idea is as old as time—we must stop and smell the roses. I mean, chances are if you’re on your computer reading this, you’re doing okay. Be aware of how you talk to yourself—and then turn that volume down. Conjure gratitude for your many blessings…suddenly traffic won’t seem so annoying.

Here’s an interesting fact: “…we are often doing more than one thing at a time—what is commonly called multitasking. The latest research indicates, however, that trying to do two or more things at the same time may not be good for you. Multitasking has been shown to impair cognitive skills (attention, short-and long-term memory, processing speed, visual and auditory processing, logic, and reasoning). The long term effect is that we can wind up atrophying parts of our brain and impairing its optimal functioning.”

Did you read that? Trying to do too many things at once can BREAK YOUR BRAIN people!

Here’s some good news: “Meditation does the opposite: it moves your brain in the direction of rest and focus. Thus, learning to still your mind is not only a vital link to inspiration and an abiding sense of peace, but also an incomparable method for increasing your capacity to solve real-life issues, increase insight, and help your brain assimilate all the random bits of information that it rarely has time to process. Meditation is an indispensable tool that improves memory, sharpens intellect, increases your ability to respond to stress, and even helps you process negative emotions such as grief, anger, and fear.”

But what if you’re not in the habit or practice or meditation? Don’t feel daunted, few of us can prioritize an hour a day for meditating. But let’s make it simple: Inhale. Exhale. There you go! When you’re in the car try turning off the radio and driving in quiet—every time you see a blinker, take a breath; every time you come to a stop sign or red light, start taking long, deep, even, sllllow breaths. Let your mind be still. That’s meditation. Standing in line? Create a mantra for yourself, repeat it over and over in your mind until it’s your turn: I will accept everything today with a smile; this is as good as it gets; I am grateful. That’s meditation! If you run on the treadmill (ugh), try counting your steps and listening the rhythm of your heart or the steady thud of your feet. Meditation.

Set the intention to give yourself a break this month—make it a habit you can carry into 2013. A tiny wee break—you deserve this. Be aware of how much you’re taking on and how you talk to yourself. Accept the effort you can give: accept what you are able to do and let the rest fall away. Allow your heart to fill with thankfulness for this life, your health and freedoms, family, friends and that lovely, amazing, life-giving breath. Anytime you can, hit that pause button and bring yourself back over and over to the direct experience of your body and your spirit breathing in this moment. Happy Holidays Yogis--feel my love and gratitude! xo G

**Quotes from Rod Stryker’s book The Four Desires—I highly recommend it!

TRUTH WARRIOR...TO BE HONEST

I return. I wipe the dust off my keyboard and come back to you. Why was I silent for so long? To be HONEST yogis, I wasn’t sure what it was that I could (or should) offer you. We have so many sources for wisdom, clarity, experience, and yoga—many of them coming to us daily. I couldn’t turn on my computer, open a magazine, or listen to the radio without hearing sage advice and perspective. I got to questioning how my voice was any different, was I really bringing you anything of value?

I ask myself this often—how do I bring worth to my actions? How does what I do or say represent me as a person in general, as a mother and wife, and as a teacher? Beyond that, why would you be interested in what I have to offer? And to get the answer, I felt I needed to be quiet. During my hiatus I did get some clarity but before it’s revealed you must endure a story. It’s one my family loves to tell.

I was four or five and had a habit of embarrassing my mother by loudly acknowledging my observations about other people. As a good mom, she told me that pointing out peoples’ differences was impolite. I will never forget her words “Gretchen we are all different. Some people are tall, some are short. Some people are fat, some are thin. We all have different colors of skin. But it doesn’t matter.” Shortly after this conversation, as mom and I were running errands we found ourselves in an elevator. Quiet, peaceful, confined. (No where to hide.) The doors opened and in walked a very heavy woman. I quietly observed her, then looked at my mother (who was at this point perspiring heavily) and loudly I declared “We are all different. Some people are tall, some are short. Some are FAT, some are thin.” And then with a shrug, I offered, “but it doesn’t matter, right mom?”

As a parent I can only imagine how horrified she was in that moment! (Usually that’s the point of the story, how embarrassed mom was.) Thinking about it recently though, it made me smile for a different reason. I saw that woman with innocent eyes and although I did notice how we were different, in my mind I was just telling the truth! I can appreciate today how basic (and not unkind) the truth can be. I am naturally a very honest person. As much as my eyes are blue and feet are big, I cannot lie. I cannot endure a lie. I anguish over situations that don’t feel authentic and real. While I love a good exaggeration, I remain inexorably honest. SO. This is what I have to offer yogis. With myself and with everyone around me, I can call it as I see it: I shit you not.

And let me tell you—free of the little things we “kid” ourselves with, we can make progress! But this voyage of honesty, free of bullshit, requires COURAGE. Belly wide open, as a student of life and yoga, I must make myself vulnerable enough to acknowledge and accept what’s right in front of me. Hi Issues! Hey there Repressed Memories! Hello to you Overly-Worked-Hamstrings-Because-I-Lack-Core-Strength! As a teacher, I have to be brave enough to show you the truth through your experience with me. (See! It’s not even about me-it’s about you!) And what a gift these truths can be. With my critical (kind) eyes I can see clearly what my student needs to build, what to strip away—where you’re kidding yourself, what you’re hiding. It reveals itself, actually. In your breath and body. You teach me through the clench of a jaw or a small sigh of delight.

So exposed and open, I ask myself: what value does my ability to be a straight-shooter have? I realize I can point out the truth till the cows come home. It still might not be something anyone wants to hear! But, I realize too that I can authentically represent my knowledge, choices, failures, flaws, and successes without promise or agenda. I can be brave enough to stand as your guide and push you (even if you’re uncomfortable) or comfort you (even if you think you don't deserve it). I can also be brave enough to admit when you no longer need me. And ironically, I find that sincere courage springs from the fact that I am just a regular person, a wife/mother/friend/daughter who, amidst the same chaos in which you travel, really struggles, questions, tries, doesn’t try…who also happens to be a yoga teacher. (Not the other way around.) I can offer you my views and experiences from my biased yogic position and maybe you’ll relate. And maybe you won’t. And guess what? I’m okay with that.

I do not offer myself as an inspiration or aspiration—but I can teach yoga as a usable, relevant, practical and POTENT practice. Will it change your body and your spirit and potentially your entire life?

I can’t sell you that. That depends on what you bring to the table, honestly.

AND IT ALL BEGINS AGAIN...

Monday, August 22, 2011 at 10:00AM

this morning, 7:30am, we made the treck in the mini-van to the bus stop and I thought to myself--fighting for my place in long line of construction traffic--it begins again.

the hustle. the meetings. the lunches. the chase. the laundry. the homework. early bedtimes. sports practice. backpacks on the floor, calendars, spelling tests, braiding hair, dark mornings. driving. driving. driving.

but there is that unmatched excitement in the new school-year, isn't there? i can see the promise and anticipation that all the perfect pencils, unscuffed shoes, and fresh classrooms bring to my children and can't help but feel a little excitement too. it's a fresh opportunity to do better--by myself and my family. To not over-schedule, to be more patient, more understanding.

like in the beginning of every yoga practice, this fall i start with an intention: to take the mellow pace of summer and let it carry us through september...maybe longer! I will continue to prioritize family time over socializing or needless errands. i intend to grade myself as I do my kids and loved ones--by my true effort and spirit rather than by the end result. as my windows for work and personal time expand in the mornings, i intend to use them wisely. i will edit my commitments so that i can do what makes me happy as often as possible. this year, i intend to play a more active roll at my children's school (this is a big one, I've avoided it as long as possible). this year, i intend to face it all.

the fruchey summer has been oddly still. with little going on, i've had to listen. often unwillingly, i've had to rest in honesty and as a result had to come to terms with some heavy things. guess what? I'm fine. actually, while I can't say i'm okay with everything, i can say i feel more real and present than ever before in my life. a little raw. grateful.

this fall i'm reminded that in my path toward ecstasy i need to be present. present of what distracts me. present of what fulfills. i intend to use that inevitble time driving. driving. driving. to breathe. to reboot. to consider, smile, sing, release. i intend to love as selflessly as our beloved dog cooper did in his 14 years as the best dog ever. i will try something new this year, maybe tennis. as bravely as my 6 year-old polly boarded the bus for her first day of first grade, i intend to live.

what are your intentions this fall?

THE PURPOSEFUL PATH

Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 1:31PM

As humans, we are instinctively aware that there is a reason for our existence. Starting in early childhood, we begin the patterns of behavior that bring us closer to (or further from) our PURPOSE, or dharma. We might go our entire lives working toward it without ever knowing what it is. Are we born with a calling or do only truly determined, diligent people meet their goals? If you never know your true purpose, does it mean you didn’t work hard enough?

About a week ago I found a paper I had written in junior high. The assignment was to write what you’d be doing in fifteen years—or, by the time I was 28 years old. My answer was humorous, but also very enlightening. I listed many potential jobs, including being a scientist, a writer, and a mother. But each time I countered it with a sentence that said—“but I’m not sure if that really interests me.” At the end of the paragraph, I summed it all up and said “I know that whatever I’m doing in fifteen years, I’ll be happy.”

I had to smile! I have never thought of myself as a goal-oriented person, but always pretty satisfied to work hard at what I’m doing.  I was relieved and delighted to see that I was the same way at age 13! What a yogic thought to have at that time—just be happy, Gretchen! Adding to the sweetness of this treasure was the comment from my teacher, it said: “A very “Gretchen” point of view.”

 I had a “point of view” in seventh grade?! I’m a GENUIS! I joke, but it did make me feel better. I could see that for all my questioning (and I question things a lot), I’m not lazy! Rather, I have managed to avoid aspiring toward short-term, self-imposed, or even false goals by consistently taking steps toward one main path. I am still on the path I have always-intrinsically-been on: to be happy.

That’s not to say I don’t have other goals for myself—having honest and respectful relationships, keeping my mind and body healthy, providing for my family, authentically representing myself are a few close to my heart at all times. I started thinking that this is the difference between goals and intentions. If it is our intention to commit to the standards we set for ourselves, then we’re always working with it in mind, as part of our purpose. But if we set our sights on an abstract target for how we want to be, it feels tangible, separate from us, and therefore avoidable.

So here’s the question—whether your dharmic path has been an obvious one, or still eludes you, does your behavior align with your intentions? Do your minute-to-minute choices keep you on your path?

 Close your eyes and begin to breathe—find an even, smooth breath that brings you to a relaxed and open place. Now, think about your goals--allow all of the goals for yourself, your career, your relationships (with yourself and those around you), your health/wellness, etc to rise up and surface without judgment or guilt. Don't wallow in how close you are to accomplishing any of them, just let them come forward. Based on all of the aims you’ve had for yourself, can you find a central theme? Set an intention for how you want to live/be overall. Then ask yourself: Does my behavior align with my intentions? Do I actively take steps and measures toward the things I WANT for myself? Possibly you lie dormant out of fear of failure or lack of confidence...possibly you "entertain" the fantasy without ever really doing the work. Examine your behavior with honesty--not criticism. Just let this idea sink in and in the days to come, observe how you make decisions--from what you put into your mouth, or how you answer someone's text, to how you spend your evening or view your role in your workplace--these are all opportunities to bring you closer to the purposeful path you have for yourself. How do you teach people to treat you?Are you consistently inviting respect, love, and honesty into your world? As you ponder these question, continue breathing evenly and smoothly. If emotions arise, acknowledge them and keep focusing on the breath. Sit with these questions for a minute (or several minutes) before coming back into your world.

New and experienced students alike, I want you to realize that YOU make your rules. You set the parameters in which you live: they are not set by some external standard. Every time you look outside yourself for what you need, whether that is love, comfort, confidence, stability, strength, direction, or happiness you'll come up short. Start within. Mindfully manage your own thoughts and your own behavior—you have the power to constantly redirect yourself over and over again. Make sure you stay your path—that alone could be your purpose!

CAN'T GET NO SATISFACTION

Wednesday, April 13, 2011 at 9:29AM

In eleventh grade we had to take a test to see what type of career personality we had—I vividly remember my results: “Underachiever.” Now, to be honest, I can’t recall if that was an actual category or what I labeled it, but it haunts me still. I look around at times, at the myriad things people are able to accomplish—writing a book, inventing a tool and marketing it, creating a successful business—and wonder if I’m not trying hard enough! Am I supposed to be doing something bigger? Something more important? I am a competent, capable, and inspired person and yet it feels like it takes a lot just to get through each day (mindfully!)…where do people find the energy to do all of this?! Much less match all of your socks?

I can’t tell sometimes if I am satisfied…or lazy. Maybe I don’t push myself out of my comfort zone and pursue all the things I am meant to. Or maybe I simply feel okay where I am. (gasp!) Teaching yoga, being a mother, having relationships, cooking, reading…is that enough?

In a workshop a few years ago, Rod Stryker said something I will never forget—that most of us are afraid of our true power, and subconsciously we sabotage ourselves so that we never really have to deal with that level of energy and honesty. To burn our brightest takes a tremendous amount of courage because we have to face all that we are (or are not). It’s a daunting thought.

But is satisfaction inextricably linked to financial success, recognition, or abundance?

Not all of our accomplishments can be measured, obviously. Probably my reasons for being here (or yours) will never be as obvious as a humanity-changing invention or Nobel peace price. For most of us, our greatest achievements will never be published or heralded. Most likely, they will never even be remembered. Does that change the magnitude of our day to day? Maybe the ideas we have about achieving are really all about winning (thank you Charlie Sheen). If I don’t "win" in the race of life, can I still get some satisfaction?

So I asked myself: The tree that falls in the forest, is that you, gretchen? Can you still BE all that you are if no one is there to quantify your existence against some form of measurement? our world is obsessed with “success”—turning every idea into a product. Most of us are looking for the blue ribbon, the slap on the back, the promotion or prize that says “job well done!”

I will take a lesson from my daughter. Recently she came home very excited because she finished a large math project at school (she’s only in kindergarten and knows cubes and square roots!)—I said “Oh your teacher Nancy must be so proud!” She replied, “I feel proud of myself, mom.” I marvel that she was totally satisfied and in no way needed me to exclaim about her accomplishment.

What if it is this simple? Yoga teaches that you know your true calling, your dharma, when you feel pleasure and inspiration when you’re doing it. The more time or energy you put into that purpose, the more fulfilled and happy you feel, and that peace has power—it affects the world. Satisfaction could be the easiest and hardest thing to find because we are each responsible for our OWN happiness.

So here is the challenge (I give myself and all of you): for the next week take yourself out of the race and listen to what makes your heart happy. Maybe you’re more satisfied than you think! Maybe not—this is where honesty comes in. Turn off facebook, resist the urge to answer every text, email, invitation, or phone call. Take as many opportunities you can to be quiet and observe how you feel doing what you do. What parts of your day make you the happiest? And when you find yourself in the glory of a moment, a second, of satisfaction or contentment—rest in it! Breathe it in, expand it and enjoy it. Maybe those little bits will add up and at the end of the week we’ll realize Mick Jagger had it all wrong.

OPEN HEART PUPPY--CAN VULNERABILITY BE BEAUTIFUL?

Monday, March 7, 2011 at 8:55AM

Peachy is our 3 year old white Bichon-Poo. She’s sweet, cute, and beloved. She is also a total attention hussy. Yes, it’s true—petite and innocent as she may seem, she’s cunning enough to easily manipulate all who enter our home. Within minutes, even self-proclaimed Cat People are holding her like a baby in their arms. Once there, she abandons all instincts, rolls onto her back, legs splayed, and gives is all up. Her innocence, love, and openness are infections and one can’t help but instantly adore her and give her anything she wants. I look at her and see all the positive definitions of making oneself vulnerable. She’s open, accepting, receptive, and blissfully free of defenses.

I have been thinking about vulnerability a lot lately—going so far as to look the word up in the dictionary. I was dismayed that nearly every definition had a negative association (without protection, unable to resist illness or failure, exposed to attack). No wonder none of us wants to be vulnerable! If so, we are open to harm, temptation, or warfare! So we button up our emotions, protect our vital organs, guard ourselves with an armor so we will seem less affected, more together. We put on our masks of perfection and control, our coats of “strength” and we go through our day interacting with people only so far as to infer we are managing just fine thank you very much. We observe our children, naturally vulnerable and open, and we protect them by giving them these survival skills. Don’t let them see you cry! Walk it off! Be a big boy. We spend our lives getting better and better at smoothing the cracks. And where does it get us?

For some reason, as this thought has been floating in my head for weeks, it’s made me feel sad and often well, vulnerable.

Sometimes I can see that being a more open person (and making an effort to do so, I used to be the other kind—more hard candy shell, less chocolate) puts me in a place where I don’t “protect” myself. There are moments when I can see “ooh, this is going to hurt and there’s nothing I can do about it”…if I’m being honest. Honesty makes you vulnerable, as does kindness. Am I just being truthful for the sake of it? Kind because I should? And if I let people see me sweat won’t they just think I’m weak and take advantage of their position to crush my existence? Or is there power in that kind of raw openness?

I got to thinking…thinking about Peachy and her wonderful exposed white tummy of free love and thinking too about when vulnerability is beautiful. I went to a wedding recently and there was a DJ.  I am at best a self-conscious dancer, but love the energy of the dance floor. I noticed this one less-coordinated guy who made it clear early on that he just looooved to shake his groove thang. I was actually worried for him, knowing he was going to embarrass himself as he kicked arms and legs like Elaine from Seinfeld. People began moving out of the way, glancing at each other. Yet song after song, there he was, working it like a fool! I felt like I should intervene, concerned that someone would surely put this on youtube as “Crazy dude at wedding.” But then I noticed (as I carefully executed the next motion in the routine I’d been practicing from Just Dance 2) that he’s not just working it, this dude is owning it! Rocking it! His eyes are closed, his tongue is out, his shirt is now damp with sweat. He doesn’t just dance badly, he does it with style. Suddenly a crowd forms around him and everyone cheers him on, because his love for the movement is infectious and it doesn’t matter if it’s on tempo or not! His sincerity becomes something no one would want to steal from him. Everyone shouts “go dude go!” And the good dancers are now imitating his moves (think of Can’t Buy Me Love). Next thing you know every guest is on the dance floor taking their turns in a dance-off with Dancer Dude at the center of the circle, crowd cheering them on, high-fiving, smiling, laughing

And hours later, we walk away, shoes in hand, feeling amazing because this guy made us all feel less self-conscious. Once we let go of our desires to appear a certain way, we could receive that moment for all the joy and love that was in it. He gave us a gift that night! In him, we all saw our most vulnerable and true selves—the selves that had the strength to show the world Hey I’m Not Perfect, but damn I love this song. We were in the presence of the power of vulnerability, honesty, and openness.

I have been told this is what it’s like to be in the company of the Dali Lama. His nature is so free of external defenses that a light emanates from him. And out of that vulnerability is his greatest strength…no one would want to destroy something so pure and sincere.

The practice of yoga must reduce both physical and mental impurities. It must develop our capacity for self-examination and help us to understand that, in the final analysis, we are not the masters of everything we do.               TKV Desikachar, The Yoga Sutras

To release the front body physically, we must go against our innate desires to protect our vital organs. As well, we have to counter the many habits of hunching caused by today’s world of driving and typing. Use this short sequence of poses to open the body. The physical work will aid in your efforts to emotionally and spiritually open yourself as well.

Vulnerability Sequence

*(you can add this sequence after your salutations or use it as your entire practice. Build up to the suggested times and take breaks in child’s pose or modify as needed. 1 minute is approximately 5 breaths.)
Lie on back, knees up, hands at navel—breathe.
Dynamic bridge with breath
Gentle reclining twist on each side
Bridge pose 1-2 minutes
Down Dog 1 minute
Flow to plank 5 times
Uttanasana waves
Mountain—dynamic breath with arms 10 rounds
Standing back bend (hands on hips—ground to floor, lift pelvic floor & open heart to sky)
Chair—hold 10 breaths (on inhale ground & lift core, on exhale open heart/arms from mid-ribs up)
Uttanasana w/ knees bent 1 minute
Down dog 1 minute
Flow to plank 5 times
Dynamic Locust 10 breaths (lift arms/legs on inhale, lower on exhale)
Dynamic Cobra 5-10 breaths (roll open on inhale, lower on exhale)
cobra 1 minute (concentrate on drawing lumbar forward, opening heart)
Up Dog 1 minute
Down Dog 2 minutes
Child’s Pose
Restorative bridge w/ large cushion along back/neck—heart is lifted, chest open, arms gently opening at sides. Feel openness behind the heart and breathe into the melting feeling of collarbones. A perfect time to meditate on your definitions of vulnerability and strength.

WHAT IS CORE YOGA?

Monday, January 17, 2011 at 9:02PM

I have students consistently asking me what “Core Yoga” is--how it differs from other yoga classes and if I think they are ready to give it a try. Core Yoga defines my teaching style: I want to express as best I can what inspires my classes and point of view. Of course, the best way to understand is to come try it out—you’ll know quickly if you’re not ready or if another style better suits you!

To put it simply, Core Yoga, is You Yoga. Yes, it’s about getting into some deep work, strengthening long lost places in our bodies like the Pelvic Floor or the Psoas. But it’s not a dedicated abs class or yoga for six packs—it’s really the opposite!  It is about teaching our bodies how to ground to the earth in order support a healthy spine and to work from a place of stillness and strength before we “express” a pose fully. I would say it is a “working” style of yoga (you will sweat & burn some calories) versus a restorative, passive style, but no less meditative. I construct thoughtful, challenging classes for students to tap into that physical center—so that they can then tap into their spiritual center. In yoga, it’s called your Manipura Chakra. This chakra relates to your sense of personal power and your ability or willingness to take action as you acknowledge your inner truth and identity. Core yoga prepares you for self-reliance. Eventually you become responsible for how the class (and therefore your practice) serves you. I teach you and train your body so that you can learn from yourself. Does that make sense? I’m not presenting different information, just presenting it to you a little differently.

Although I am now amidst a new certification in Core Strength Vinyasa (thank you Sadie Nardini for founding such a whole and complete way to teach from center!), I have always been drawn to core work in yoga. Many of my teachers have said “all yoga is ‘core’ yoga” and I agree—every pose benefits both physically and energetically from strength and awareness at center. The problem comes when you are so out of touch with this area that you don’t know when you’re in it and when you’re not. I’m sucking in my stomach as I sink so low into warrior that I’m an inch above the floor—I’m working my core, right? Maybe not. Like most ironic truths, you can only find its power when you are aware of its weakness (and from where it stems). After three c-sections I have experienced a disconnection from center in every way. Physically, my once-flat tummy changed into something doughy and scarred, hanging over my jeans. Spiritually and mentally I was constantly giving myself away, depleting my own energy in an unvarying (fruitless) effort to make others happy. I didn’t know it was yoga I needed, nor could I ever have expressed it was my “Core” that I had to strengthen. I didn’t know it, but I could feel it. With core practice I could feel the power building in myself: I could feel my voice and person strengthen as the muscles in my middle started to take shape. What I couldn’t have predicted was that I was more gratified by the loving, supportive feelings I had about myself, the sense of purpose and strength within, than I was by the flatter belly. In fact, I actually started to love myself enough that my definition of core had less and less to do with that area of my body and everything to do with remembering and accepting who I truly am. Yes, doing a handstand was nice too! It builds on itself—as I found balance and stillness in my practice, my confidence increased and I found myself taking more chances—in yoga, as well as in my life.

It’s not something you attain and check off your list. To practice this way takes, well, practice! I might say “Draw your navel in and up” two dozen times in class in just as many ways. I probably remind myself 100 times a day to “hug in” that desire to put others before myself. Like taking off the Spanx after a long night, my core wants to just release. I’ve had to realize my natural default is to let it all hang out. “Oh you need something? Here you go! Here’s some advice! Here’s some help! Here, have an idea, have a cookie, have some money!” It’s my challenge. Core yoga helps me to keep that in check—to make choices for what empowers me. This personal journey has become what defines me as a teacher. I try and channel these core lessons I’ve learned into classes that can benefit all of my students.

What to expect in class…Whether you’re brand new to yoga or more experienced, I hope to make you aware of new avenues to becoming present. For some it may be in the form of “Wow my legs are burning” or for others it may be “I never noticed that pattern of behavior before.” It takes a effort to get into those deep muscles, so I often lead students through flows and breath that build a little heat and eventually a lot of strength.

You’ll see students of all ages, levels of fitness, and experience. A novice student who understands the meaning behind a practice and works at his own pace actually has an advantage over the physically fit student who is less willing to modify and relies grossly on physical strength. It’s a class for every body. In some ways, core does serve athletic or tight individuals well, though, because I aim to create stabilization first, and then call to flexibility. The poses are the same as in every yoga class—I may cue it differently, but you’ll still do down dogs, warriors, cobras, and folds. In some classes, we do abdomen-specific work but in many classes we just incorporate it into every movement. We do experiment with adventure poses, like back bends, inversions, and arm balances—but all at your own pace. Because we create from the ground up—by the time class gets there, it’s easy! (well, easier). When you connect first to earth & draw that energy up into/around the spine you actually find restraint—this restraint is power itself. Your poses become stable in the muscles, rather than sinking into joints and in general you feel less strained. This core work gives you a light freedom that you didn’t think was possible when holding Half Moon or side crow.

And all of that is just the exercise part! By drawing into center and physically manifesting inner support and strength, you naturally create the same strength and support for the real you and the goals you have for your life. The newfound power will be evident in your improved posture—and the confidence you gain from that stability around your spine will start to translate into your job, relationships, and choices. You’ll begin to decipher the actions that serve you and those that drain you. Like your new, “light and floaty” warrior, from your connection to the present you’ll find lightness within. You’ll learn only to give more when you come from a strong place. That, my friends is liberating!  

So this is my intention for you, it is what feeds my yoga monster and shapes the way I teach. I want you to serve yourself and practice You Yoga. I can only get you started on that journey…if you get to class! Our challenge as students is to find a balance in our practice so that it can give us both what we want and what we need. I only knew I needed it when I found it.  Core yoga in every way has enriched the practice that is my life and I hope it does the same for you. Namaste’.

More questions about my style? Do you have an illness, injury or disability and still aren’t sure? Ask away!



THE 5 REASONS YOU ARE NOT DOING YOGA...AND HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT

Tuesday, November 30, 2010 at 3:18PM

I’ve been a teacher for a long time—I try not to push my passion onto every passer-by and usually manage to bite my tongue when people tell me why they don’t do yoga. (and that is fine! Do what works for you!) However, I have heard the following so often that I can no longer hold my silence. Please take it for what it is, and keep in mind, I’m a yoga teacher and am therefore extremely biased. I hope to convert you all, that is my secret plan!

1          “I like to sweat when I work out”

The people who say this have either never tried yoga, or haven’t tried it long enough to really understand the work they are doing. I sweat in every yoga class! Well, if I don’t actually sweat on the outside, I am certainly hot on the inside. And what is the obsession with sweating, anyway? I can stand in line for a friggin’ hot dog and sweat, that doesn’t mean anything. In my classes, I challenge my students to build heat (agni) to limber the muscles, burn calories, and get energy moving. We want to build tapas (heat/fire) to burn up all the crud that causes our energy or light to stagnate. But sometimes we want to contain the heat, we don’t want to sweat it out! Does that mean we are not working? Not toning and building muscle, burning fat, or cleansing our systems? Of course not! Rod Stryker says: “The aim of practice: divine light and love. In other words, fire. The bridge to realizing the aim of practice, fire. Yoga is dedicated to building fire. If your dull, dense mind is ever going to be lustrous enough to out-shine ego and be capable of perceiving and being guided by Divine love, you better bring dry matches and lots of wood and come ready to brighten the blaze that is the real you.” So I challenge that while sweat may mean you’re hot, or that you’ve climbed 80 flights of stairs in one spot for 45 minutes, to find internal heat is something entirely different—and it affects all of you, not just your glands!

2          “I don’t get enough of a workout in yoga class”

I don’t mean to offend, it’s a fact--this one is often said by men or workout-fanatics (who are a little masochistic in my opinion. No, I don’t like to be in pain, I like to take some breaks or stretch, but I am still strong!). To me it seems pretty obvious, as you don’t often see out-of-shape yoga teachers. Please tell me you are not quaking, shaking, squeezing your eyes shut, burning in discomfort! Because that is the exact opposite of what I’m trying to do! Yoga will challenge your body to be sure—but it challenges mind and spirit as well. Can you abandon ego long enough not to worry about what your pose looks like or how long you’re able to hold on? Can you get to a point where you listen to the messages (pain) your body is giving you? Can you love it enough to understand that what it needs may actually feel good? I wonder why so often improving your body has to be defined by how sore or miserable you are by doing it? Yes, most of my practice actually feels nice—sometimes I am sore, sometimes I’m not. I don’t define the success of that hour by the fatigue in my muscles, but by how my energy moves, by my mood, my insights, how well I interact with others or even by how well I sleep at night. I’m not saying abandon running or weight lifting (although I want to say that because it sucks)—but to have balance in how you view “exercise” or “working out.” I can speak for myself—I’m in better shape now, at 35 (eek) because of yoga than I was at 18, 20, 25 when I was in cross country, running mini-marathons and triathalons. The workout in yoga is a whole experience, sometimes more mental than physical, but it is deep and you will get stronger. My husband can bench like 350lbs (seriously)…can he hold a handstand? Nope. Strength is relative to what you’re doing. But please believe that we workout in yoga class!  

3          “I’m not flexible at all”

Chances are, if you’re a human over 15 you’re not very flexible any more. If you’ve been an athlete, had an injury, sit for long periods at a time in front of a desk/computer, drive a lot, don’t work out, have weight to lose, are a man, are tall, are short, then you probably have issues with flexibility. What I’m saying is, yoga helps create flexibility—you don’t need it to walk in the door. You can’t touch your toes? Great! It’ll be easy for you to measure change in your body. Any yoga teacher would rather work with excessively tight bodies than excessively limber. When a body is tight, the muscles are usually short, over contracted—but they are at least supporting your joints. Because your body won’t allow it, you often can’t move past your flex threshold into injury. If you come to yoga regularly, your body will open up. You can’t tackle tight hammies w/ hamstring stretches—it’s a whole-body issue. Once we work out the tightness of your feet, work some more strength deep inside that core, the back will start to let go a bit! Trust me! This is why we offer blocks, straps, bolsters, walls, chairs—yoga is for every body.  You may need to start with a restorative class, where the opening is more passive. The less flexible you are, the more you need it! Ask Kevin, he’ll tell you. Once a self-proclaimed “cripple” due to tight muscles (he’s a runner), he’s now twisting, bending, and folding like a gymnast. It’s taken some time and much dedication, but his body has completely transformed.

4          “I get bored” or “it’s too ‘out there’ for me”

I put these two together because it’s usually the same type of personality who avoids yoga either because it is slow and boring, or too spiritual/esoteric. I hate to break it to you, but if you fall into this category you’re in dire need of tuning in. Those who have trouble in yoga class because it’s quiet or slower than the normal pace of life are distracted. It’s difficult at first to have to sit with your thoughts—what if you come across a thought or feeling you don’t want to acknowledge? You think of all the other things you could be doing…or perhaps the idea of the “inner you” or your “spirit” is too far a reach for your grounded-in-the-real-world type of personality. I urge you to stick with it. You’ll find that with regular practice, the silence becomes golden. In the hustle-bustle time of your life, stillness is a much-needed gift of restoration! What else could you do that is more important than listening to yourself, loving yourself, taking care and improving your body, thoughts, and actions? Visualizing, breathing, placing body parts deliberately can feel very hard (or we find it boring because it takes a lot of effort), I understand that! But talk to anyone who practices yoga—maybe they started in the same place—we’ll tell you the quiet, soulful part of their practice is the reason we keep coming back.  Think of it like a mini-vacation just for you, providing everything you need: All-inclusive support, love, strength, power, and spirit.

5          “I Don’t have time” or “it costs too much”

These are difficult to address because while they are sort of excuses, they are very real factors for all of us. But honestly, can anyone out there tell me you have enough time and money to do everything you want to do? How about to do everything you NEED to do? Please consider how you spend your time and money…I for one am positively addicted to Starbucks. I have to go there every day and whole-heartedly admit it’s a needless expense. (In fact, most of what I make teaching goes directly to coffee.) But if it was between yoga and starbucks, I’d easily abandon my caffeinated love-child. Probably all of us have something we could trade for the cost of yoga—it’s a small price to pay for health (in all its forms). If you dig deep and honestly don’t have the cash—take advantage of the many opportunities in town to do yoga for no cost: community days at all the studios, public classes at the library, work-study programs (lotus has one). Ask for yoga as a gift this year! As for time, I know that after working all day (and yes I consider moms at home working), it is difficult to get outside and come to a class. But maybe if you change the definition of practice it won’t seem so daunting…how about a 20 minute segment of yoga free on Comcast? Maybe 10 minutes in the morning before you get into the shower or evening before bed? No one said yoga is only yoga in 60 minute increments of time—sitting in your car driving or waiting in line? BREATHE!! I know we are all busy and financially strapped right now—but one hour and $12 a week? Every other week? Once a month? I know you can find it! (and I won’t get into this, but compare the time and money you’ll eventually spend at the doctor, physical therapist, or on medication later if you neglect your body, lets life’s stresses pile up, and stifle your feelings!)

So there you have it. I’m sure there are more reasons for those of you who swear by your favorite workout (or lack of one), activity, or passion…but I’m also sure I can combat every single one with a reason why you should, in some form, bring yoga into your life! Like I said, I’m biased.

I hope to see you at class!

THANKFUL BEFORE THANKSGIVING

Thursday, October 14, 2010 at 2:08PM

The universe is speaking to me. I realize this is a very “yogi” thing to say, but it’s true. Lately, I have been inundated with situations and stories, all with the same message: “BE GRATEFUL.”

In the past few weeks I’ve been connected to two instances in which a young mother tragically lost her life. I didn’t know either woman personally, but it was close enough that I knew some of the people their deaths affected. Obviously, anytime someone dies young or suddenly it makes you think…especially when you can relate to how they lived. We wonder “what if that happened to me?” One of the women, a mother of many littles, was driving her car. It’s likely that while she turned to address the toddler or baby in the back seat she missed the stop sign, causing her fatal accident. Upon hearing this I instantly thought of all the times I’ve done that: turn to talk (yell) at the kids, peek at my phone, put on lip-gloss (awful), write down a number…every time I’ve done that I’ve taken my own life (and often my children’s lives) for granted. I don’t mean to be dramatic, but the point is it disturbed me. I thought to myself: “Okay I get it: learn from this, be more aware, be more grateful.”

I tried to take time alone in the car to appreciate the silence or a song on the radio; to listen to my kids’ words and stories rather than hear only the racket of all of them talking at once. I began to monitor my thoughts, choices and actions more closely.

Apparently I didn’t get the full message. A few days later, another young (this time pregnant) mother and unborn babe sadly and mysteriously passed away.

Me: “Okay universe, okay God, I am hearing this message! Let’s not get any closer! I will put the computer down, turn off the phone. I won’t sweat the small stuff. I will Be grateful!”

Universe: “Listen harder, Gretchen.”

Last Saturday, at the Bridge Yoga event (thank you to those who came—it was lovely!)…I literally was smacked in the face with this message once again. On a high from the outdoor yoga and community camaraderie, I gave into the kids and took them on a ride in the depot’s pedi-cab. If you haven’t seen this vehicle in town, it’s a rickshaw-like bike with a large carriage in back to take people on tours. I had four 8-10 year olds in the back; between the bike and the kids I was probably towing over 300 pounds. Things were going fine until, long story short, we slid off the sidewalk and down the embankment to the river and ended up crashing into a tree. I flew over the handlebars and landed about 10 feet away. This was a situation that could have been very, very bad. Three of the kids jumped off before we crashed and the one who stayed inside it hunkered down (and was wearing his football pads!). Other than a pretty decent contusion to my right leg, we were all fine. How is this possible? This accident had all the ingredients for major disaster: more so than the ones that had so recently ended in the worst possible way. I couldn’t help but connect them all in my mind. Those women were gone. But we all escaped with just scrapes and bruises. And a renewed-renewed love for life.  

To say I was shaken is putting it lightly. The gravity of what could have been continues to settle (or unsettle) deeper as the days go by. My 8 year old, who witnessed the whole thing, sobbed. He was convinced he had lost me! He kept saying, “I’m just so grateful you’re alive!”

The thing is, I humbly consider myself a generally grateful person. I actively work not to take things for granted, not even my breath! The effort to remind myself of life’s preciousness is there…or maybe I just thought it was? Must I live in a constantly terrified state, imagining all the “what-ifs” to truly appreciate the here and now?

What is gratitude?

Gratitude is really the seed of all awareness. It is closely tied to our faith and it challenges the fears that come with being human. It taps into releasing our struggles for control and accepting, with out emotion, what lays before us.

As I continued to ponder this question and review my teachings, I realized something about that day. In the moment we were faced with danger, the children and I weren’t actually afraid—we weren’t thinking. There was an instinct to live and a very innate understanding of our own mortality. At age 8, they knew to jump out of that cart as it barreled recklessly toward the river. Ingrained in their young beings was the simple appreciation for the preciousness of their own lives. What is it about death that brings out our most grateful selves? Linking to our mortality can be a touchstone to our role in the greater picture of life. It reminds us that there is a purpose to our existence other than to simply endure.

We are all aware of this brutal truth: death is imminent. Thankfulness for life won’t serve us when we’re gone. But as yoga teaches, it can sweeten our existence with an appreciation for the impact we have while we are here—each moment, relationship, experience a gift—free of any attachment. A soft heart filled with gratitude allows us to see the connections we have to each other and to fully absorb the richness that connection provides.

Whether or not this is what I needed to hear, that is the message I received. I hope my recent lesson can serve you, too. You don’t need to crash your bike to find thankfulness in your heart! I have chosen the following meditation for you because more than directing you toward being grateful, it forces you to stay in a moment and drink in some love. That always makes us feel blessed!

 Hugging Meditation (Adapted from Thich Nhat Hanh)

When you hold a child in your arms, or hug your mother, your husband, or your friend, if you breathe in and out slowly three times, your happiness will be multiplied at least tenfold. If you become distracted or think of other things, your hug will also be distracted. When you hug your child, friend, spouse, first breathe in and out to return to the present moment. Then, while you hold her or him in your arms, breathe three times consciously, and you will enjoy hugging more than ever before.
It takes some time to become comfortable hugging in this way. You may have an instinct to slap your friend’s back or make things less serious. But to really be in that moment, you only need to breathe and suddenly he becomes completely real. The two of you really exist in that moment. It may be one of the best moments in your life.
Breathing consciously, uniting body and mind, you make yourself into a real person again. When you become a real person, your daughter becomes real also. She is a wondrous presence and a real encounter that life is possible at that moment. If you hold her in your arms and breathe, you will awaken to the preciousness of your loved one. And life is.

SUPER MOM SYNDROME: HOW YOU DO DEFINE YOURSELF?  

Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 8:34AM

Okay, so what is UP with all the trendy names used in recent years to replace the term Mother? (And who are the people creating them? Writers? Society? The Fashion Industry? Or, gasp, other Mothers!?) Everywhere you turn you hear them: “Mommy-on-the-go,” “Modern Mom,” “Soccer Mom,” “Mocha Mom,” (yuck) or the worst one in my opinion, “Super Mom.”

I admit I can fall victim to all the promises that go along with the glamorous title. (I also admit I DO think the Sienna minivan commercials are hilarious.) At just the words I am deluged with images of well-dressed women gracefully balancing their many tasks, carpools, and appointments while still making time for massages, lunches, workouts and organic, gluten-free meals made from scratch. These women can change a diaper (or a tire) as they run a meeting via satellite; they stay organized by selling old items on Ebay; they regularly read books and attend lectures without ever putting their kids in daycare or spilling coffee on their designer white shirts! It’s an imaginary standard, probably accrued from years of ideals in fashion mags, sitcoms, and movies combined with the self-imposed ideas I have about motherhood and my own worth. It took me a long time and much courage to realize I sincerely believed that the more I accomplished, the more I was worth loving.

Like any good campaign, the Super Mom one is seductive and deliciously tempting. Not only for its fabulous accessories (think Prada diaper bag and Bugaboo Stroller), but also for its God Complex. As a Super Mom, I have superhuman power: I can see through walls, and like Clark Kent, with a change of costume fulfill all the other roles in my life without ever breaking a sweat! Super Moms can be there for everyone! Clearly, moms are not the only ones who have this struggle—we all give ourselves titles complete with made-up rules and parameters by which to live and against which to measure. We do this hundreds of times a day, linking our identity to any number of monikers (Daughter, Wife, Sister, Friend, Yoga Teacher, Writer, Social Coordinator, Busy, Always Late, Impatient, Dependable.) This thread runs deep (one of the reasons it is such a hard one to deny!). It plays into the standards we set for ourselves, the ones set for us by our parents and upbringing. It reflects our generation, our history, culture, and values. It also serves as an endless diversion from ever having to really examine ourselves, or from a yogic perspective, our SELFs.

How we feel about ourselves and how we interact with others is inextricably linked to whatever title or “hat” we’re wearing. We define ourselves proudly, “I am a Stay At Home Mom.” This isn’t necessarily a bad thing—it’s natural and unavoidable. However, if we are always measuring ourselves against some unattainable standard (that we have invented), we will always fall short. Super Mom has to face the limits of humanity—and it’s a tough pill to swallow! The struggle for Super Human status leaves us feeling less than human, a failure, drained and resentful of all the effort. We end up defining ourSELF with what we are not, by what we have not done rather than what we are or what we manage to do. So how do we hang up the cape? How can we retire some of these delusions of what/who we should be, and just BE?

The key to keeping those self-inflicted titles in check is Awareness. Thank you Louise Hay, who says (I’m paraphrasing) “Your thoughts are just thoughts. If a thought arises that doesn’t serve you well, cast it out and think new thoughts.” It can be that simple, but it takes practice! It also takes much courage, patience, and gratitude. If I let go of being a Daughter, Wife, Sister, Friend, Teacher…and, gulp, Mother…what am I left with!? Fear sets in. But then I realize I’m just me and I am still here, in this body, in this space, breathing in and out and doing the best I know to do (most days). I don’t go away. I don’t change form. I remain. I can acknowledge my efforts, those that succeed and those that fail. And I can be so thankful I have another day—not to be better, but to just experience each moment and have all that potential. Maybe I am late and my shirt is dirty, maybe the dogs went unfed…maybe I ignored my child in favor of the phone or even couldn’t, can’t, love my mother in quite the way she needs me to. But I’m still here—I can be defined simply by existing. My existence defines me. Facing that flawed and unglamorous reality without judgment, with gratitude, is a Super Human feat itself, no?

So maybe Super Mom isn’t the worst title I could have—as long as my powers serve me well. With heightened abilities of awareness I can use laser vision to recognize when I go astray. Then, with lightening speed I will conjure thankfulness and correct my thoughts and behavior. I will make myself invisible to the ever-reaching arms of expectation and I will cast Doubt and Fear out of the universe.

 

Super Mom (Or dad) Meditation

The next time you’re in your loaded SUV, waiting in line for a latte or child, take a moment. Put down your iphone, and close your eyes. Allow all the titles you identify yourself with to come to surface. You can see yourself in those roles like watching a movie screen, or imagine the words in front of you. If emotions or feelings arise as you do this, acknowledge them and then let them go. Practice yogic breath (even, smooth breath with regular, slow inhales and exhales passing through the nose), and release each of those titles and all that goes with them—you can imagine them burning up or floating away or shooting them with a laser, anything that speaks to you. Keep breathing and recite (silently or aloud):

 

Breathing in, I calm my body.

Breathing out, I smile.

Dwelling in the present moment,

I am grateful for who I am.

 

Practice this meditation any time you feel overwhelmed or

become aware of yourself waiting.